I am Elijah R Young, I’m here with Sarah J. Storer and this is Relations: The Podcast, the on-demand radio show giving you better relationships, and more importantly, helping you become a better person to be in a relationship with…In today’s show:
We’ll discuss dating after divorce with comedian Leslie Battle.
Leslie’s Bio: Leslie Battle is a Texas native who began her comedy career after a distressing divorce. She is also a career soldier who served almost 13 years on active duty, but currently serves in the Ohio Army National Guard. Mother to 3, ages 20, 17 and 13, she has performed since July 2011,on the stages of the Columbus Funny Bone, The Cincinnati FunnyBone, Wiley’s in Dayton (Ohio’s oldest comedy club) and numerous other venues throughout Ohio, Indiana, Pennsylvania and Oklahoma City.
By the end of this episode:
- [Show subtopics]
Describe the problem
…The papers are signed, you’ve divided the household, and you’re making your way back into the world of dating. How do you navigate this thing that you may have been absent from for years and years? Are the rules the same? Find out on today’s episode with guest co-host Leslie Battle…Dating after Divorce
- DON’T Give away too much too soon–it’s tempting to “verbal vomit” all your baggage on dates. You feel like you need to put it all out front, so there are no surprises…but this actually just shows bad judgment and scares people off. Remember…you are a whole person apart from your divorce (even though it might not feel like it just yet)
- DON’T Act like every date is the first date to your next serious relationship–you’re going to have to re-calibrate a bit. You just came from a place where you may have had to talk very seriously through many problems, or you spent nearly every waking moment with that person. Starting over is WAY different…it’s lighter, easier, and not at all the same as working through the day in/day out stuff that partnership or marriage brings.
- DON’T Date for validation–your divorce can be earth shattering, shaking up your life and who you thought you were. It can be a blow to your confidence and self-esteem…and while a great kiss from someone or someone telling you you’re handsome/beautiful can feel amazing, it’s not a substitute for the real re-building you may need to do.
1) DO take your time–no need to rush into finding “the two”. It will likely take up to a year or more for you to recalibrate. So take your time, figure out what your “new normal” is like, and just meet a lot of new people.
2) DO know yourself and what you want/are looking for (casual/serious, etc)–it’s easy to jump back in to the dating game, thinking you want to date the way you used to before you were married. But that might not be what you need…or even what you want. So take some time to really think about what you want right now. It’s okay to want something casual…and it’s okay to not want to date at all.
3) DO have fun–your divorce probably wasn’t that pleasant (to say the least)…but dating is supposed to be fun. If it feels like it’s not, or that you’re overwhelmed, or that you’re not healed yet, don’t do it, or change something so it is.
- Elijah’s Thoughts
- Sarah’s Thoughts
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Until we meet again, keep striving to make every relationship you have the best it can possibly be, including (and especially) the one with yourself. We’ll talk soon.