I am Elijah R Young, I’m here with Sarah J. Storer and this is Relations: The Podcast, the on-demand radio show giving you better relationships, and more importantly, helping you become a better person to be in a relationship with…In today’s show:
Today we look at some signs that you might want to take some more time to yourself and avoid getting back into a relationship. This show is an extension of a conversation started on Natural News in an article titled, “10 signs you are NOT ready for a happy relationship”, by Mike Bundrant
By the end of this episode:
- 8 Signs You’re Not Ready To Date Again
Describe the problem
…The echo of that last breakup is still like a gong in your heart. You hear your favorite song, or even see a car that looks like his and your chest drops into your stomach. But you want to “get out there”…how do you know if you’re ready? And is it okay to wade back into the waters if you’re not?
- Blame, defend. Blame, defend – Something goes wrong. What’s your first instinct? For many of us, it is to blame someone or something outside ourselves. This may be human nature in action. It is the next step that really kills relationships. After initially blaming, you set up a fortress of psychological defenses to cement the blame in place. Acting defensively automatically turns your partner into an enemy. It’s hard to feel close to an enemy. If your initial reaction is to blame, then put all of your efforts on letting go of defensiveness, coming around and acting like a team player.
- You think of the other as your possession – You’re in a relationship, so you introduce the others as: my wife, my husband, my girlfriend, my partner, and so on. Using my or mine in the sense of ownership is risky business in relationships. You are my husband, so you have to do what I say. You are my wife, so you have to put up with me. I own you, so you have to cooperate.
- Agree, stab in back. Agree, stab in back – Ah, the passive aggressive…You think you want to avoid conflict, so you agree with whatever your partner says. Then, you do whatever you originally had in mind.
- You think your friends are more important – Putting friends and social life in front of your primary relationship is a common way to avoid relationship problems – and intimacy, too. Social butterflies, both men and women, sometimes need to learn that making a romantic commitment means letting go of other commitments. Refusing to scale back your social life in favor of an intimate partnership may mean that you aren’t ready.
- You are a self-centered, petty, sociopathic narcissist – Romantic partnership is sharing a life together. Sharing a life means sharing stuff, sharing time, sharing emotions, sharing responsibility. It will involve some sacrifice of your individual desires. That sacrifice should pay dividends, as the two of you are creating something beyond what either of you could do alone. So, you can’t keep all of your selfish desires satisfied while simultaneously working toward your mutual goals.
- Lazy-slobbish-disgusting-child syndrome – I don’t know if this syndrome is listed in the DSM-V, but it means that you think it’s funny to pass gas, belch, swear like a sailor, pee on the toilet seat, leave your dirty underwear lying around, chew with your mouth open and generally make a childish nuisance of yourself in front of your partner. You may even think her disgust is cute. It’s not. Her disgust means she actually finds you to be a disgusting person. Next, you’ll want her to make love to you, right? If she does, she might be grossed out by that, too, thinking back on your antics throughout the day while you are getting your thrills at her expense. Clean it up.
- Whiner! – Things go wrong. What are you going to do? Fix them. Work together and do your best as a team. If you tend to whine like a mule, that will break down your team. Now, in addition to dealing with problems, your partner has the added burden of dealing with a whiner. Whining is a sign of immaturity and it doesn’t serve a purpose in a healthy relationship.
#1 Martyr! – Emotional martyrs are those who shoulder too much of the burden and refuse to ask for support. This leads you straight into resentment of those around you, who obviously are to callous to lend a helping hand. Again, in relationships, teamwork is the name of the game. Martyrs make teamwork impossible. If you cannot express your needs and give others the chance – and even make demands – then you might not be ready for a healthy relationship.
- Elijah’s Thoughts
- Sarah’s Thoughts
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Until we meet again, keep striving to make every relationship you have the best it can possibly be, including (and especially) the one with yourself. We’ll talk soon.