0138 – 8 Things That Decide if You’re Sexually Satisfied or Not

Show Intro

I am Elijah R Young, I’m here with Sarah J. Storer and this is Relations: The Podcast, the on-demand radio show giving you better relationships, and more importantly, helping you become a better person to be in a relationship with…In today’s show:


Show Description

We’re talking about how to be sexually satisfied, and what factors determine sexual satisfaction


By the end of this episode:

  • you’ll learn how one study weighs rewards vs. costs in sex
  • how assertive you are can determine how good sex can be
  • the #1 tip for sexual satisfaction


Describe the problem

…We talk and think about sex and being satisfied sexually all the time. The problem is, it’s still an area that’s widely misunderstood, mostly because the particular area of sexual satisfaction hasn’t been truly studied in depth. The subject itself is incredibly subjective, and for many years, one half of the spectrum wasn’t even considered in the studies (sorry ladies…they’re trying to catch up now, at least). So what information is out there that we CAN learn from? And what can you do today to guarantee more satisfaction in your sex life? Find out in Episode 131: 8 Factors for Sexual Satisfaction


Segment #1


Sexual satisfaction definition: “An affective response arising from one’s subjective evaluation of the positive and negative dimensions associated with one’s sexual relationship.”


FACTORS for sexual satisfaction, according to one theory/recent study:

  1. Satisfaction in overall relationships–in this theory, level of sexual satisfaction increases (or decreases) with overall satisfaction in the relationship. Sexual gratification in this approach also takes into account the history of the relationship: If in most of the years past a couple has experienced higher costs and lower benefits, one week of high rewards and low costs will not compensate for the negative history.
  2. Relationship between level and rewards vs. cost in a relationship–‘Rewards’ according to this theory are positive aspects in a relationship like those that bring joy and satisfaction. ‘Costs’ are events that cause pain, embarrassment, or anxiety, or require effort. Benefits and costs can be physical and behavioral or mental in nature.
  3. Level of rewards and costs compared to expectations–if a couple has higher expectations that are consistently not met (even if, objectively, the relationship has a relatively good ratio of reward/cost), there is less satisfaction
  4. Level of equality in rewards and costs between partners–If one partner seems to gain more rewards than another (or another is continually sacrificing his or her wants and needs to the other partner’s), there is less satisfaction.


[message break]


Segment #2


Summary from last segment: “if your overall relationship is sound, if your sex life brings more fun than pain, if the fun level exceeds expectations and the level of pain is lower than expected, if you feel that there is equality between you and your partner in the levels of fun and pain experienced, and if this situation has been going on for some time, then you are, according to this formula, sexually satisfied.”


Other factors:

  1. Mutual support in healthy relationships–studies show that mutual support in the relationship leads to better times in the bedroom
  2. Sexual assertiveness–”In the context of relationships, sexual assertiveness (the ability to stand your ground, establish clear boundaries, clarify what you want and need in sex, what works for you and what doesn’t) predicts increased satisfaction”
  3. Birds of a feather–partners with similar personalities tend to report better sexual satisfaction

[message break]


Final Thoughts:

#1 We can’t say it enough…communication is key to sexual satisfaction. If you can’t convey what you want, or teach how you want it, you’re not going to be satisfied. Speaking up is hard…it makes you vulnerable and open to critique or judgment.


  • Elijah’s Thoughts
  • Sarah’s Thoughts


Show recap

Listener Mail


Show Close

If you have a question, comment, or funny story about [INSERT SHOW TOPIC] we have a private SafeSpace on facebook where we talk about all sorts of social, professional, and romantic relationship topics, and after every show you can go there and share you story, get some advice from great people or just hang out. Both Sarah and I are there every day and you can be there too, just go to www.relationspodcast.com/join and click the “Join Now’ button.


Until we meet again, keep striving to make every relationship you have the best it can possibly be, including (and especially) the one with yourself. We’ll talk soon.




Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *