“In this episode…”
…we’re talking about red flags…those little things you notice in your dates or significant others that just scream, “Warning!”
by the end of this episode you’ll learn:
- Why Red Flags are Important
- Which ones to look for in multiple scenarios
- And when you’re overthinking
Describe the problem
We are all detectives, a little bit, when it comes to scoping out potential dates. Part of our “scoping” is innate…we do have primal instincts and can guess, infer or scope out problems right out of the gate. But some red flags are learned or a result of our roles in society. So how do we scope out red flags? Are there some we can ignore? And when is it just time to run.
Insert Main Content
Red Flags…what are they, why are they important?
How do we define red flags?
What the experts say:
The Relationship Counseling Center
Unfortunately, all too often people ignore…‘red flags’ especially if there is some attraction or ‘chemistry’ happening between the two of you. If these red flags are not addressed in the early stages of dating, then 6 weeks, 6 months or 6 years later you’ll be faced with a relationship crisis on your hands saying, “I didn’t know that he/she would be so controlling/critical/self centered etc…“
Singles who ignore the red flags often minimize or deny the meaning of the behavior of the person they are dating. They say, “Oh that quality doesn’t really matter.” Or “It’ll work out somehow; love will conquer all.” Or “They will change.” Nothing could be further from the truth.
Margaret Paul, PhD | Huffington Post Healthy Living
Over the many years of working with thousands of people looking to find a committed relationship, I’ve discovered numerous red flags that may indicate future problems. Very often, when the person I’m working with has moved ahead with the relationship, one of these issues — which might not have seemed huge at the beginning — becomes a major problem leading to the demise of the relationship.
Ballaisa | Comluv.com
Do you always end up dating losers? You know, the guy or girl that you think may fit into your life but then ends up being a complete waste of time? While a lot of dating advice is given to help you avoid screwing up your first date and beyond, there is not as much dating advice about how to recognize red flags and a potential loser when you are on a date. But it’s actually more important than making sure the date is a success.
Which Red Flags to look for?
Which do we look for?
The Experts Say…
Online Dating Profiles:
Kris L. | Thought Catalog
1. They post multiple attractive photos, but barely fill out their profile
They think the rules don’t apply to them. Online dating has a standard list of unspoken guidelines by which most people abide. People who think they can get away with skipping the basics strictly because they’re objectively attractive display an alarming sense of entitlement.
5. They reveal that they’re just out of a relationship
Someone who alerts you to the fact that they’re just out of a relationship is typically just looking for a quick hook up or trying to get back on the dating horse. Unless you want to be someone’s “get over the hump” hump, avoid them. “Just out of a relationship” is usually code for “Just looking for casual sex.”
6. They reveal sensitive details about their past
Sharing with the Internet that your father abandoned you or that you were once tortured by an in home burglary sends the message that you carry heavy baggage and emotional scars. These people are playing to your sympathy…
First dates/early dating:
Dr. Seth Myers | Eharmony Blog
- Asking questions that are extremely personal. Saying “yes” to an invitation for a date does not grant your date a VIP pass to your most private thoughts and feelings.
- Asking or talking about sex. If your date talks about what he or she likes sexually or asks what you like on one of the first dates, your date just might be a sex addict. (I wish I were kidding.)
- Acts rudely or disrespectfully to others during the date
Mandy | xoJane
Red Flag #3: He starts critiquing your body, thinking this is a helpful thing to do.
Don’t even get me started. I once had a guy tell me what specific arm-toning exercises he was going to teach me after we slept together for the first time. Lovely.
Red Flag #7: He criticizes you over minor things.
Of course, criticism is a healthy part of any relationship. But I prize empathy and compassion and feeling like someone is on my side very highly. When a man feels extremely comfortable dishing out unasked-for advice on my life, I cringe to think what is in store for me down the road.
Red Flag #8: He majors in the minor. If someone is losing their patience over something as minor as an extended cab ride, how will they handle a real conflict or crisis? Is this really where the person chooses to expend their energy and priorities in life?
Top 10 Dating Red Flags (M4W)
She has an aol or hotmail address
She’s never had a one-night stand
She has a cat
She pats down her pizza with a napkin
She doesn’t drink beer at sporting events
100Redflags.com | Red Flag #65: She can’t stop talking about weddings.
When a girl is constantly chatting about weddings, she’s sending out warning flares that she’s expecting to get married very soon…Her life is incomplete without marriage and she’ll definitely be a Bridezilla some day because she has an impossibly elaborate and expensive vision of a wedding…
But isn’t there something missing from this vision? Oh yeah. The guy. She couldn’t care less who he is, as long as he says yes to the dress…and every other absurd request that she’ll have.
The Naked Redhead | @sarahjstorer
For someone like you who is still healing from a bad situation, it’s going to be harder for you to learn the difference between actual red flags and non-red flags. It was for me, too.
We all do it, in fact. We assume that our new partner’s desire to play video games is EXACTLY like the old partner’s desire (you know, the one who would play video games and IGNORE US FOR HOURS! And BE LAZY!). In fact, new partner really just likes to play now and again to relax.
In other words, we both are, and are not, the sum of our past relationships.
Which is to say that, of course, we can learn from the past, but we also have to realize that each new person is a unique individual with his or her own personality and approach to life.
If this show was good to you, let me know by leaving a review on iTunes. Simply go to relationspodcast.com/review and leave us a good review! Good reviews put this show in front of more people and allow us to create more awesome relationships through either following or ignoring the advice given on this show. If we’re making your relationships a better place, take 30 seconds and leave us a review!
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In closing, on behalf of myself, Elijah R. Young, and everyone involved in bringing this show to your ears, we hope we’ve made your relationship better today than it was yesterday. Now go forth and relate to one another…we’ll talk soon.