0153 – 3 Rock Solid Ways to Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back

Show Intro

I am Elijah R Young, I’m here with Sarah J. Storer and this is Relations: The Podcast, the on-demand radio show giving you better relationships, and more importantly, helping you become a better person to be in a relationship with…In today’s show:

 

Show Description

This is for the fellas, today we’re gonna show you how to get her back! And ladies, you’ll hear what you should pay attention to, and what to ignore. This is a continuation of a conversation on Yourtango.com

 

By the end of this episode:

  • 3 Things You Should Never Say to Get Her Back
  • 3 Things to Get her Back Immediately

 

Describe the problem

…You broke up, and you’re pretty sure that was NOT the right decision. So is it possible to get her back after the relationship is broken? We’ll learn in this episode what you should never say, and what you should try to get her back for good.

 

Segment #1 The Don’ts

  1. “It was both our faults.” Yes, odds are that the relationship’s failure was a joint effort, but if you’re the one trying to reconcile, you’re the one who must own up to your mistakes. Pointing out that it took two to tango will merely put your ex on [edge]
  2. “I can change.” This statement can be a bit tricky, but it tends to be something you shouldn’t say for two reasons. First of all, it’s likely that your ex has heard it before — you may have promised to change with the regularity of a dental visit, offering empty promises every six months. Second of all, words have little power in the reconciliation game; don’t tell her you can change, show her that you have.
  3. “You’ll regret not giving me another chance.” This is another phrase that is rarely included on the what to say to your ex-girlfriend list. For one thing, it can appear to be threatening, especially if you say it in anger. And, it can also anger your ex, basically causing you to come across as God’s gift to her.

 

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Segment #2

  1. “I screwed up.” There may be a million reasons you and your ex broke up, and your ex may indeed deserve the majority of the blame. But if you want her back, you need to own up to whatever part you had, and it would be very rare that you didn’t play at least some part.
  2. “I have a plan.” Another phrase you should use when trying for a happy reunion is the admission that you have given some thought to the future. You and your ex broke up for a reason and blindly getting back together will probably have a similar result. Having a plan, on the flipside, shows that you are aware of your past struggles and what you need to do the surmount them.
  3. “I can wait.” One of the most common mistakes guys make when trying to reconcile with their ex is lack of patience. Many yearn for their ex’s affections like a junkie yearns for a fix. But this is unfair; a break up is a time when both parties need a chance to think, decompress and act based on logic, not fresh emotions. This is why telling your ex that you can wait is so important. It acknowledges that you know she may need time, and it shows that you respect her enough to give it to her.

[message break]

 

Final Thoughts:

 

  • Elijah’s Thoughts
  • Sarah’s Thoughts

 

Show recap

Listener Mail

 

Show Close

If you have a question, comment, or funny story about [INSERT SHOW TOPIC] we have a private SafeSpace on facebook where we talk about all sorts of social, professional, and romantic relationship topics, and after every show you can go there and share you story, get some advice from great people or just hang out. Both Sarah and I are there every day and you can be there too, just go to www.relationspodcast.com/join and click the “Join Now’ button.

 

Until we meet again, keep striving to make every relationship you have the best it can possibly be, including (and especially) the one with yourself. We’ll talk soon.

 

0152 – 8 First Date Conversation Starters Guaranteed to Get Your Date Talking

Show Intro

I am Elijah R Young, I’m here with Sarah J. Storer and this is Relations: The Podcast, the on-demand radio show giving you better relationships, and more importantly, helping you become a better person to be in a relationship with…In today’s show:

 

Show Description

We’re going to give you eight, ‘no fail’ conversation starters for your first date…then we’ll see if we agree or not. This is an extension of a conversation started on YourTango.com

 

By the end of this episode:

  • 8 First Date Conversation Starters Guaranteed to Get Your Date Talking

 

Describe the problem

…You’ve connected online, or in the line at the coffee shop, and now it’s time for that exciting first date. Your date is lookin’ good, you’ve exchanged pleasantries…now what? Not to worry, we have fantastic conversation starters to not just make that first date great, but help you land that 2nd date.

 

Segment #1

  1. What are you most proud of? We know it sounds job interview-y, but come on, everyone likes to brag about their accomplishments a little bit. Plus, it’s a great, intimidation-free way to get a sense of a person’s values and what is important to them
  2. How was your day? It’s basic, but a classic never dies. “First dates are a time to look for commonality between two people,” says Walsh. “By talking about daily activities, as in ‘How was your day?’ you can look for the seed of mutual connection.” And even though this seems so simple, it can often open up the conversation to what they do for a living and for fun.
  3. If you could take a vacation anywhere, where would you go? It’s a surefire way to delve into his interests—especially if his perfect getaway is a tent and yours is a five-star hotel.
  4. What’s the boldest thing you’ve ever done? First dates can make even the most outgoing person a little shy and awkward, but talking about—and looking back on—a time when you were incredibly ballsy can give you a huge boost of confidence.

 

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Segment #2

  1. Spill the details of your worst date ever? While ranting on and on about your horrible ex is not a good idea, it’s fair game to joke about previous first dates or blind dates that went totally awry. After all, that story about the guy who took you to a taco truck and forgot his wallet is just pure conversational gold.
  2. Are you a cat or a dog person? Hey, it’s important! Plus, a recent study found that “dog people” were more energetic and outgoing, while “cat people” were more introverted and sensitive. Talk about a sneaky way to get a read on a person.
  3. What’s your guilty pleasure TV show? Keeping Up With The Kardashians or The Vanilla Ice Project? This is the stuff that deal breakers are made of.

[message break]

 

Final Thoughts:

#1 What are you looking for in a relationship? Sure, it’s a little personal, but it’s important to know if you’re on the same page, says Walsh. “I’m a big believer in showing your hand. This saves on misunderstandings, hurt feelings, broken hearts, and plenty of wasted money as one date become ten and only then [do they] reveal [they have] no intention of ever getting married or having kids.”

 

  • Elijah’s Thoughts
  • Sarah’s Thoughts

 

Show recap

Listener Mail

 

Show Close

If you have a question, comment, or funny story about [INSERT SHOW TOPIC] we have a private SafeSpace on facebook where we talk about all sorts of social, professional, and romantic relationship topics, and after every show you can go there and share you story, get some advice from great people or just hang out. Both Sarah and I are there every day and you can be there too, just go to www.relationspodcast.com/join and click the “Join Now’ button.

 

Until we meet again, keep striving to make every relationship you have the best it can possibly be, including (and especially) the one with yourself. We’ll talk soon.

 

0151 – These Are the Top Reasons Men & Women Feel Insecure

Show Intro

I am Elijah R Young, I’m here with Sarah J. Storer and this is Relations: The Podcast, the on-demand radio show giving you better relationships, and more importantly, helping you become a better person to be in a relationship with…In today’s show:

 

Show Description

Today we’ll discuss the top 5 first date insecurities for men and women. This is a continuation of the conversation from a couple articles on WomenIO.com and DrNerdLove.com

 

By the end of this episode:

  • [Show subtopics]

 

Describe the problem

…Insecurity is something even the most confident person experiences every now and again. It doesn’t matter if you’re male or female, either. Insecurity makes you anxious, worried, and removed from the moment. So what are the top insecurities for males and females? And what can you do to combat insecurity in the early stages of dating. Find out on today’s episode!

 

Segment #1

  1. Their Body – For the first time in generations, women are openly ogling men the way that we’ve been drooling over women and it makes us profoundly uncomfortable. We’re worried that we’re too fat, too thin, too hairy, too tall, too short, too… something. And it’s driving us to dangerous levels of desperation trying to match up with a societal ideal.
  2. Your Finances – But what if you’re not even middle class? What if you’re stuck with public transportation, a minimum wage job, a shitty apartment  and a “ramen-five-nights-a-week” diet? What then? How can you expect to find a girlfriend then? What woman is willing to put up with riding the bus to your very-occasional dinner out and your once-a-month-maybe movie date?
  3. Your Hair – The level of importance men put on their hair would astound most women. We like to pretend that all the care we put into our hair care is to shake our heads a couple of times on the way out of the shower, but a man’s hair is one of the most visible symbols of his potency and masculinity. Which of course, means that thinning or receding hair is proof of God’s hate.
  4. Sexual Ability – It gets even more insane when you throw porn into the mix. Now suddenly not only are we worried about whether we’re the best lover she’s ever had but men are worried about such things as whether to aim for her boobs or her face or the volume of his ejaculation. That’s right, if you can’t paint a Jackson Pollock on the wall with your sperm, you are not a man.
  5. Penis – The size and shape of a man’s penis is the number one source of any man’s insecurities and fears and we all have the clogged spam folders to prove it. Circumcised or natural, growers or showers, curved or straight…  every man alive has had anxious questions as to how he measures up and whether his is unusual or otherwise just wrong. Penis size is popularly associated with virility and sexual desirability.

 

[message break]

 

Segment #2

  1. Age: Women also are insecure about their age. They want to look young, are jealous of other women, and are constantly trying to find the right foods and products which will fight the aging process.
  2. Height: Having an ideal height is also apparently a problem for women. Most women seem to want to be taller, and complain of only being in the low 5’s; 5’ 1’’ to 5’ 5’’ is apparently not tall enough. Think about those tall, long-legged fashion models that apparently all women want to emulate. There is a point, of course though, where a woman becomes too tall – somewhere around 5’ 10” is the limit. Any taller than that, and they might challenge the superiority of men.
  3. He will not call me back: A woman, when in a new relationship, is apparently always intent on having the man call her back, and must be reassured by the man that he will in fact call her in order to soothe her anxiety.
  4. Weight: The next most obvious insecurity women have regards their weight. Women always want to be skinnier; or, no matter how gorgeous they are they always believe that they are overweight; they are constantly looking for the newest fad diet of watermelon only, or high protein low starch, or nothing but raisins and kippers on Tuesdays and Sunday evenings; and so on and so on.
  5. Sexuality: By far the most commonly listed insecurity. Women, apparently, want most of all to be sexually desirable, and are constantly measuring their own sexual desirability against that of other women.

[message break]

 

Final Thoughts:

 

  • Elijah’s Thoughts
  • Sarah’s Thoughts

 

Show recap

Listener Mail

 

Show Close

If you have a question, comment, or funny story about [INSERT SHOW TOPIC] we have a private SafeSpace on facebook where we talk about all sorts of social, professional, and romantic relationship topics, and after every show you can go there and share you story, get some advice from great people or just hang out. Both Sarah and I are there every day and you can be there too, just go to www.relationspodcast.com/join and click the “Join Now’ button.

 

Until we meet again, keep striving to make every relationship you have the best it can possibly be, including (and especially) the one with yourself. We’ll talk soon.

 

0150 – Military Relationships

Show Intro

I am Elijah R Young, I’m here with Sarah J. Storer and this is Relations: The Podcast, the on-demand radio show giving you better relationships, and more importantly, helping you become a better person to be in a relationship with…In today’s show:

 

Show Description

How to navigate a relationship while in the military

 

By the end of this episode:

  • [Show subtopics]

 

Describe the problem

…Military life is different than regular life, and can present its own unique set of challenges when it comes to relationships. So what are the best tips for navigating a relationship while one or both of you is in the service? We have comedian and 26 year career servicewoman Leslie Battle with us to give the best tips for having a relationship while in the military.

 

Segment #1

  1. Know what you are getting into. Military life often involves travel and unusual hours. Your service member may have to withhold information about their job or location for safety security reasons. Your service member may have endured circumstances you have no frame of reference for. It takes a lot of flexibility, understanding and commitment to maintain a relationship with a member and the armed forces.
  2. Identify and voice your priorities early and often. If your career is your priority, your partner needs to know that.
  3. Be very cautious about dating people in your unit. Military people are very close and news travels fast.
  4. Don’t be afraid to get help if your relationship turns dangerous.

 

[message break]

 

Segment #2

 

http://midlifenavywife.blogspot.com/2013/04/10-things-to-consider-before-dating.html

 

1) If you are someone who needs a boyfriend or girlfriend at your side at all times or their constant attention and affection, a military spouse life is not going to be a great choice for you.

 

5) If you have a very defined career path that requires a specific location & number of years spent in one place a military partnership will make that very difficult. Choose a career that is easily portable. If you want a big career that demands you live in a particular area, or long years in one place, don’t date people in the service.

 

6) If you have a lot of anxiety and worry a lot, being a military spouse may not be something you are built for. Your choices are find every way possible to strengthen yourself and survive or choose a less stressful life for yourself. A military spouse works with uncertainty and danger every day. If that isn’t something you handle well it will add a lot of stress to a service member’s life, which isn’t fair to them.

 

[message break]

 

Final Thoughts:

9) If you aren’t a happy person, you won’t be happy with the military. There will be lots of things to complain about and get frustrated by. Obsessing about all these things will make you, your partner and everyone around you miserable. If you can see the glass half-full, you will have a fantastic experience with a military spouse.

 

  • Elijah’s Thoughts
  • Sarah’s Thoughts

 

Show recap

Listener Mail

 

Show Close

If you have a question, comment, or funny story about [INSERT SHOW TOPIC] we have a private SafeSpace on facebook where we talk about all sorts of social, professional, and romantic relationship topics, and after every show you can go there and share you story, get some advice from great people or just hang out. Both Sarah and I are there every day and you can be there too, just go to www.relationspodcast.com/join and click the “Join Now’ button.

 

Until we meet again, keep striving to make every relationship you have the best it can possibly be, including (and especially) the one with yourself. We’ll talk soon.

 

0149 – You Need to Discuss These Things Before You Get Married

Show Intro

I am Elijah R Young, I’m here with Sarah J. Storer and this is Relations: The Podcast, the on-demand radio show giving you better relationships, and more importantly, helping you become a better person to be in a relationship with…In today’s show:

 

Show Description

We’ll discuss some things you should consider before you get married!

 

By the end of this episode:

  • [Show subtopics]

 

Describe the problem

…You’ve found the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with…but are you ready? While love will certainly help keep you together, there are certain practical considerations that can help make a marriage great. We’ll discuss those tips and our thoughts in today’s episode: What to Know Before You Get Married.

 

Segment #1

You have share the same thoughts and beliefs on cheating. If you go into a marriage, one thinks that cheating isn’t a huge deal, the other thinks that it’s a deal breaker it’s going to be an issue.

 

Physical attraction, when all the excitement from the upcoming nuptials wears off, you’re going to need to be attracted to the person.

 

Best friends. You have to be able to share anything and everything with this person, if you can’t then people start to keep secrets, secrets sound harmful by themselves. Once you start keeping secrets, you start out small, for example shoes, pretty soon the secrets start growing bigger.

 

Control, has to be shared you don’t get to have absolute control over everything. Men and women play different roles in the relationship, be the woman, so he can be the man.

[message break]

 

Segment #2

You each need to have your own passions and interests apart from each other. There is nothing worse, than feeling as if you have to ‘entertain’ someone. Or you’re always hurrying at whatever you are doing, because the other person has no life outside of you.

 

You NEED to know that  HAPPINESS  is an inside job! Nobody else should have to try and make you happy, it’s too much pressure for another person, and not their job.

 

After you get married that doesn’t mean that you can say “ahhh now I can slack off, I got him/her” it takes just as much effort to maintain a healthy relationship, as it did to get the person.

 

Forgive QUICKLY!!! The faster that you get over anything in life, the faster that you are able to move on and let go.

[message break]

 

Final Thoughts:

If you don’t know how to play anymore, learn to play again, life is supposed to be fun. We take life way too seriously most of the time. Go to the park, play on the swings, throw around a football, play basketball together. Have fun, laugh!

 

Resentment is a silent killer of relationships, when you have things that aren’t settled completely, resentment trickles in, and it’s deadly to a relationship.

 

  • Elijah’s Thoughts
  • Sarah’s Thoughts

 

Show recap

Listener Mail

 

Show Close

If you have a question, comment, or funny story about [INSERT SHOW TOPIC] we have a private SafeSpace on facebook where we talk about all sorts of social, professional, and romantic relationship topics, and after every show you can go there and share you story, get some advice from great people or just hang out. Both Sarah and I are there every day and you can be there too, just go to www.relationspodcast.com/join and click the “Join Now’ button.

 

Until we meet again, keep striving to make every relationship you have the best it can possibly be, including (and especially) the one with yourself. We’ll talk soon.

 

0148 – Dating After Divorce? Avoid These Mistakes…

Show Intro

I am Elijah R Young, I’m here with Sarah J. Storer and this is Relations: The Podcast, the on-demand radio show giving you better relationships, and more importantly, helping you become a better person to be in a relationship with…In today’s show:

 

Show Description

We’ll discuss dating after divorce with comedian Leslie Battle.

 

Leslie’s Bio: Leslie Battle is a Texas native who began her comedy career after a distressing divorce. She is also a career soldier who served almost 13 years on active duty, but currently serves in the Ohio Army National Guard. Mother to 3, ages 20, 17 and 13, she has performed since July 2011,on the stages of the Columbus Funny Bone, The Cincinnati FunnyBone, Wiley’s in Dayton (Ohio’s oldest comedy club) and numerous other venues throughout Ohio, Indiana,  Pennsylvania and Oklahoma City.

 

By the end of this episode:

  • [Show subtopics]

 

Describe the problem

…The papers are signed, you’ve divided the household, and you’re making your way back into the world of dating. How do you navigate this thing that you may have been absent from for years and years? Are the rules the same? Find out on today’s episode with guest co-host Leslie Battle…Dating after Divorce

 

Segment #1

 

DON’Ts

 

  1. DON’T Give away too much too soon–it’s tempting to “verbal vomit” all your baggage on dates. You feel like you need to put it all out front, so there are no surprises…but this actually just shows bad judgment and scares people off. Remember…you are a whole person apart from your divorce (even though it might not feel like it just yet)

 

  1. DON’T Act like every date is the first date to your next serious relationship–you’re going to have to re-calibrate a bit. You just came from a place where you may have had to talk very seriously through many problems, or you spent nearly every waking moment with that person. Starting over is WAY different…it’s lighter, easier, and not at all the same as working through the day in/day out stuff that partnership or marriage brings.

 

  1. DON’T Date for validation–your divorce can be earth shattering, shaking up your life and who you thought you were. It can be a blow to your confidence and self-esteem…and while a great kiss from someone or someone telling you you’re handsome/beautiful can feel amazing, it’s not a substitute for the real re-building you may need to do.

 

[message break]

 

Segment #2

 

DOs

 

1) DO take your time–no need to rush into finding “the two”. It will likely take up to a year or more for you to recalibrate. So take your time, figure out what your “new normal” is like, and just meet a lot of new people.

2) DO know yourself and what you want/are looking for (casual/serious, etc)–it’s easy to jump back in to the dating game, thinking you want to date the way you used to before you were married. But that might not be what you need…or even what you want. So take some time to really think about what you want right now. It’s okay to want something casual…and it’s okay to not want to date at all.

3) DO have fun–your divorce probably wasn’t that pleasant (to say the least)…but dating is supposed to be fun. If it feels like it’s not, or that you’re overwhelmed, or that you’re not healed yet, don’t do it, or change something so it is.

 

[message break]

 

Final Thoughts:

Leslie’s Thoughts:

 

  • Elijah’s Thoughts
  • Sarah’s Thoughts

 

Show recap

Listener Mail

 

Show Close

If you have a question, comment, or funny story about [INSERT SHOW TOPIC] we have a private SafeSpace on facebook where we talk about all sorts of social, professional, and romantic relationship topics, and after every show you can go there and share you story, get some advice from great people or just hang out. Both Sarah and I are there every day and you can be there too, just go to www.relationspodcast.com/join and click the “Join Now’ button.

 

Until we meet again, keep striving to make every relationship you have the best it can possibly be, including (and especially) the one with yourself. We’ll talk soon.